Help me!!!!

[skyofblue]

Hello. some body can help?? i need some one who checking my essay. Please help me. a soon as possible

this is my essay.
topic is my personal


My name is Jannifer Hadibowo. I am the eldest child in my family. I have one sister, she is 3 years younger than me. Now, she is in the first grade in Senior High School, she got the scholarship in this present school. I am so proud of her. But if want to say the truth, I am ought to have one big brother. He was born premature. Based on my mother story, his weight was no more than one kilogram, his body was so small that could be clasped. He even couldn’t take a breath of fresh air. He laid in incubator and just persist in there for less that a week. Because of that I am often imagine how the fell have a big brother and sometime I felt jealous if I saw my friends was being met by their brother after school. My father is a technician and my mother is a housewife. Even thought I was born in unfortunate-financially family but I love and so proud of both of my parents.

Especially my mother, she always teaches me, support me. When I was under 5 years old, I liked to pen drawing in the wall. I couldn’t let one a clean-white wall without a pen drawing. But curiously, my mother never forbade or angry with me. Until now that pen-drawing still decorating the wall in my house.
After I had gone to kindergarten. I started to be joined in coloring competition. At that time, I couldn’t coloring well, that must be I colored out of border. As long as 3 years in kindergarten. I just have won once.

When I had gone to elementary school, I stated to join drawing competition. In the beginning years, I drew a man that my mother said “olive” because it has a thin body, long-thin hand and foot. I remember in that time almost every week that was a competition. Two days before the competition I would be asked to practice. My mother teaches me patiently. But sometime when I still couldn’t make a good sketch and coloring, she not to scruple to be angry with me. Sometime even thought there was 10.00 pm, I wasn’t allowed to go sleep until I prevail the sketch.

In that time, I never won, but my mother still made me follow the competition accompanied me to the competition-place, likewise, my father never forbade me to be joined competition even thought my father’s salary wasn’t much but he never refused to pay registration fee that expensive enough. Even there was crayon or another coloring material that have a good quality, he wasn’t doubt it buy that just for me. Although, the price is a quarter of my father’s salary. There was one day I felt bored with that routines, from Monday until Saturday I must went to school, and if there was a competition in the Sunday, I spent my spare time in Friday and Saturday with practice. Plus I was seldom won. So I talked to my mother I wanted to quit. My mother was angry to hear that she said that if I wanted to quit it was mean that I didn’t need to continue my school. But she never really does that she still made me follow the competition. That dark period happen for 3 years. Until one day when I was in the 4th grade inn elementary I successful to conquer the person that always becomes a winner in that time. Started from that my mother effort started showing the result .My drawing become better and better. Now there was no ‘olive’ any ore. From I couldn’t make a good coloring become can make a good color gradation. And make a new coloring trademark in my hometown. Started in there I always become a winner when I was in 6th grade I represent my city to the competition in province, even thought in that competition I didn’t win but I still proud because it’s mean my talent was recognized.

After graduate from elementary school and went to junior high school there almost not competition in this level, as to competition that was held by government department and represent the school. Even thought still became a winner I started to miss weeks that fulfill with competition. And I started to search the competition’s information by myself and joined that with my own will.

[cherie]

i'll rephrase the errors for you.

My name is Jannifer Hadibowo. I am the eldest child in my family. I have one sister, 3 years younger than me. Currently, she is in the first grade of Senior High School, with the scholarship she has earned. I am so proud of her. Actually, I ought to have an elder brother. He was born prematured and based on my mother's story, his weight was no more than one kilogram. His body was so small that could be clasped in a hand. He couldn't even take a breath of fresh air. He laid in an incubator and persisted in there for less than a week. Because of that, I often imagine how it felt to have a big brother and sometimes, I felt jealous if I saw my friends being met by their brother after school. My father is a technician and my mother is a housewife. Even though I was born in an unfortunately-financed family, I love and am so proud of both my parents.

Especially my mother who always teaches me and supported me. When I was under 5 years old, I liked to pen drawon the wall. I couldn't let one clean-white wall off without a pen drawing on it. But surprisingly, my mother never forbade or got angry with me for that. Until now that pen-drawing still decorates that particular wall.
After I had gone to kindergarten. I started participarting in coloring competitions. At that time, I didn't do well in those. The reason being that I often colored out of the border. For 3 years in kindergarten, I have just won once.

When I went to elementary school, I started joining drawing competitions. (urm, for this sentence, i couldn't get what you meant, so i left it out.) I remember at that time almost every week, there was a competition. Two days before the competition, I would be asked to practice. My mother teaches me patiently, but sometimes, when I still couldn't make a good sketch and coloring, (i don't get this phrase, so i left it out too). Even though, it might be 10 o'clock at night, I wasn't allowed to go to sleep until I prevail the sketch.

At that time, I never won, not even once,but my mother still made me follow the competitions and accompanied me to the competition venue. Likewise, my father never forbade me to be in the competition even though my father's salary wasn't much. He never refused to pay the registration fee that was quite expensive. My father also bought crayons and coloring material that was expensive but of good quality for me without the slightest doubt, even though the price is a quarter of my father's salary. There was one day, I felt bored with the routine of going to school everyday from monday to saturday. If there was a competition on the following Sunday, I even had to spend my spare time during Friday and Saturday practising. To add on, i seldom won. So I talked to my mother about wanting to quit. My mother was so angry to hear that that she said if I wanted to quit, it meant that I didn't have to continue my studies anymore. But she never really did that as she still made me follow the competitions. That dark period happened for 3 years. Until one day when I was in the 4th grade in elementary , I successfully defeated the person that always won at that period of time. Starting from that, my mother's efforts finally reaped results.My drawing become better and better.

you had quite alot of mistakes in phrasing and grammatically.
i'm tired now so the rest of the mistakes you try to find yourself.
ps. it's "though" not "thought. and f you put even though in the front, you can't add but in the middle as connecting. even though has the effect of but already.